HUMILITY

Having a modest view of one's own importance, ability, or power - and instead being respectful and honoring of others.

DETAILED DESCRIPTION

Lack of humility is an easy way to get into trouble with people. It is important to admit mistakes and take the blame as a leader. A lack of humility may lead to ignoring important input from others. Lack of humility often shows up as a lack of cultural sensitivity coupled with an overemphasis on one’s personal views as being the correct views.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.Romans 12:3

Advice

• Arrogance

  ARROGANCE: Request more feedback. Get feedback from your colleagues, direct reports, and leader, where respondents can remain anonymous. It is unlikely you will get useful data from people directly because they may not think you listen or it may have been painful for them to try to influence you in the past. Your goal should be to get to know how others see you.

• Watch Your Nonverbals

  WATCH YOUR NON-VERBALS: People lacking humility look, talk, and act arrogantly. As you try to become more humble, you need to find out what your non-verbals are. All arrogant people do a series of things that can be viewed by a neutral party and judged to give off the signals of arrogance. i.e. facial expressions, body shifting (especially turning away), impatient finger or pencil tapping, false smile, tight lips, & looking away. Find out from a trusted friend what you do and try to eliminate those behaviors. The non-verbals are also culture specific. What shows a lack of humility in one culture may be different in another. Lacking in humility will block finding out how to act with sensitivity across cultures.

• Talk Too Much?

  TALK TOO MUCH? Listen first and ask questions. Don’t be the first to offer answers, solutions, conclusions, statements, or commands. Give others a fair chance to have their say, participate, and provide input. Let others speak early. Let people finish. Try not to interrupt. Don’t finish other’s sentences. Ask clarifying questions. Restate the problem in your own words. Pause more often while speaking.

• Read the Needs of Others

  READ THE NEEDS OF OTHERS: Observe others for their reactions to you and your style. Especially during the first three minutes of an important meeting, work to make the person or group comfortable with you before the agenda starts. Pick your pace, style, tone, timing, and tactics based upon an evaluation of what would work best in each culture.

• Need Affirmation?

  NEED AFFIRMATION? Get your affirmation elsewhere – such as from God! Look for opportunities to encourage others – they will often respond by encouraging you.

• Be Open and Approachable

  BE OPEN AND APPROACHABLE: Invite people to talk with you and then listen. You may have to persevere, endure some rejection and perhaps some angry or negative remarks in order to convince people you are truly open to their input.

• Insensitive

  INSENSITIVE? Try to find out exactly why you are seen as insensitive. Talk to a mentor or someone you really trust will tell you the truth. It’s unlikely that people will tell you directly.

• Lose Your Temper?

  LOSE YOUR TEMPER? Avoid instant and sharp reactions, jumping to conclusions, categorically dismissing what others say, or using inflammatory words. People may believe you think they’re stupid or ill-informed if you cause them to lose face in front of others. Instead of reacting, ask questions, invite people to disagree with you, present their arguments back to them, and let them save face no matter what.

• Impatient

  IMPATIENT: Many insensitive people are very action oriented, results oriented, and very agenda driven. Take time to let others get more comfortable with you. Two-thirds of people need a little up-front time to adjust to the situation before getting down to work. Usually three minutes is sufficient. Ask informal questions such as ‘What did you do this weekend? How are the kids?’

• Too Smart?

  TOO SMART? Switch to a teacher role—tell them how you think about an issue, don’t just tell people what to do. Tell them what you think the problem is, what questions need to be asked, and how you would go about finding out what you think some likely solutions might be. Invite their thinking. If you’re the expert and they aren’t, help them think better by showing them how you think.

Resources