
LISTENING
To actively pay attention to and consider what others have to say.
DETAILED DESCRIPTION
Listening means knowing what others have said and meant to say and leaving people comfortable that they have been heard. What most people need to learn is how to listen when they don't want to. Listening doesn't mean that you accept what others say or even that you have accepted them. It just means truly listening to what people have to say.
Making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understandingProverbs 2:2
Skilled Characteristics
Active
Practices attentive and active listening
Patience
Has the patience to hear people out
Restates
Can accurately restate the opinions of others even when in disagreement
Body Language
Demonstrates attentiveness through body language – eye contact, good posture, hands not fidgeting, smiling, nodding or through other culturally relevant ways
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
– Stephen R. Covey
Unskilled Characteristics
Unfocused
Does not listen well – loses focus easily
Cuts In
Cuts people off and finishes their sentences if they pause or hesitate
Interrupts
Interrupts to make a statement or offer a solution or decision
Not Open
Does not learn much from interactions with others – only interested in being heard by others
Thinking
Appears not to listen or is too busy thinking about one’s own response
Misunderstands
Many times misses the point others are trying to make
Arrogant
May appear arrogant, impatient or uninterested in what others have to say
Biased
May value and thus listen to some groups/people but not to others
Inaccurate
Is commonly inaccurate in restating what others have said
“Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.”
– Larry King
Causes of Weakness
Arrogant
Thinks too highly of oneself
Defensive
Overly focused on protecting oneself from looking bad
Self-Focused
Uninterested in the thoughts, ideas and feelings of others
Independent
Does not sufficiently value the input and ideas of others
Impatient
Not willing to take the time to truly listen to others before making a decision and taking action
Selective
Believes that only certain people have relevant things to share
Busy
Too busy to take time to listen to others
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Proverbs 12:15
Advice
Review the simple application steps below and choose 1 or 2 things you can do to spur yourself on to further growth.
Choose
CHOOSE: Virtually all people are capable of listening. Usually the problem lies with choosing to listen in a given situation.
Be Quiet
BE QUIET: Keep your mouth closed. Give appropriate eye contact. Take notes. Don’t frown or fidget. Periodically give verbal acknowledgements such as ‘yes’, or ‘ok’, or ‘uh ha’. Paraphrase what the person said and then ask if you understood correctly. Don’t interrupt.
Ask Questions
ASK QUESTIONS: Ask probing questions to get more clarity. Ask clarifying questions. Ask confirming questions to ensure proper understanding.
Selective Listener?
SELECTIVE LISTENER? Identify in what kind of situations you don’t listen well. Who don’t you listen to? Why not? Does it ever relate to the person’s age, gender, skills, personality, intelligence, education, experience, title, ethnicity, or a type of setting (like a loud environment), or the amount of time you have? Challenge yourself to practice listening to those you don’t usually listen to. Listen for content. Separate the content from the person. Try to expect possibly valuable input from everyone.
Receive
RECEIVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK: Shift your thinking to actually appreciate ALL feedback – and listen! Try to accurately understand what the person is trying to tell you. Your goal is not to accept or refute or even respond to what the person says. Just listen, ask questions, and paraphrase. And THANK people for their input, even when you don’t like it or you disagree with it.