Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.Matthew 5:9
Can negotiate skillfully in tough situations with both internal and external groups
Can settle differences with minimum noise
Can get what they want without damaging relationships
Can be both direct and forceful as well as diplomatic
Quickly gains the trust of other parties to the negotiations
Has a good sense of timing for when to listen, ask, or suggest
“The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people half way.”
– Henry Boyle
Not a good deal maker; doesn’t come away with much
May use ineffective tactics—too hard or too soft, may have to win every battle or gives away too much to get the agreement
Poor conflict manager, trouble dealing with attack, contention or non-negotiable points
May hold back and be afraid to take tough stands
Has a difficult time truly listening to both sides
May not seek or know how to find common ground
May not know how to be diplomatic, direct and polite
“All the mistakes I ever made were when I wanted to say ‘No’ and said ‘Yes’.”
– Moss Hart
Causes of Weakness
Can’t handle high pressure situations
Come on too hard or too soft
Give in too much or too early and easily
Has to win every battle
Have trouble reaching equitable or fair agreements
Has trouble when the other side argues strongly
Nervous or fearful about negotiating
Not a good bargainer
Poor interpersonal skills – other people don’t want to enter into discussions with him/her
Too serious and intense about things – can’t loosen up or relax
“Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.”
– John F. Kennedy
Review the simple application steps below and choose 1 or 2 things you can do to spur yourself on to further growth.
ESTABLISH RAPPORT AND BOUNDARIES: Understand both parties needs and wants and the relative importance of each. Create a comfortable environment for the meeting. Have each side talk about its goals, starting positions and any boundaries. Give reasons first, positions last.
Avoid Rigid Positions
AVOID RIGID POSITIONS: Be able to adjust your position and your wants. If you can’t, your ego is getting the best of you. If you can’t walk away until you get ‘X’, you’ll probably either give in too much or blow the negotiation.
START SIMPLE: Begin on a positive note by listing what both sides agree on and write it on a whiteboard. Next talk about what each side is willing to ‘trade’ related to needs, wants or expectations. Finally, discuss the most difficult topics one at a time. Discuss what each side would be willing to give up IF they could have something in particular in exchange.
USE QUESTIONS: Ask questions to clarify each side’s position, wants, and needs. Ask why, what led you to that position, what the principle is behind it, etc. Don’t negotiate based on assumptions. Negotiate based upon facts.
STAY COOL: You may experience other people’s passion, defensiveness, blame, attacks, innuendoes and even threats. Separate the people from the heat they deliver and the people from the roles they play in the negotiations. Deal with people issues directly but separately and maybe off line during a break. Try to deal candidly with the toughest critic first. Avoid direct blaming remarks; describe the impasse and possible solutions. In response to unreasonable proposals, attacks, or a non-answer to a question, you can always say nothing. Let the other side vent frustration, blow off steam, but don’t react. Return to facts, and the problem before the group, staying away from personal clashes.
ARBITRATION: When there is a true impasse, suggest a third person who is acceptable to both parties to help resolve the remaining conflicts. Use a third party to write up each side’s interests and keep suggesting compromises until you can agree. Continue to move closer until each side can improve it no more. Or if time is an issue, pass it up to a higher authority.